why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
