just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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