The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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