Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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