Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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