walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
