Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
