we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
