Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
