There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just found puke in my bra..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
