There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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