The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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