Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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