I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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