If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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