I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
barbara walters just said penis...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
