She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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