waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
