I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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