which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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