Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
