I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
