if you like me you must not know who I am
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
