What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
