I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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