I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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