Sponge bath it is.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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