I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
