Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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