I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just googled if crying burns calories
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
