I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
