you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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