so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
