he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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