I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
