I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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