I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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