I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
