all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
