I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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