i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
