I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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