I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
love makes seman taste better
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
