I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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