I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
