Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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