38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
