there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
