drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
