I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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