i would punch a child for taco bell
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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